Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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