Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
