"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
