No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
