dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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