I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
