In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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