We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
