sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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