I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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