Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
