just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
