24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
