I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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