you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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