how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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