im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
