I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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