So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
