omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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