I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
