when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
