I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
