a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
