i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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