mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
