Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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