I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
