there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
