How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
