did you get engaged???
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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