:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I currently don't understand fingers.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
