once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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