I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
