In the future we'll all be gay
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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