so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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