I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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