Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
