oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
