We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
