Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
