awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
