I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
