Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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