Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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