You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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