I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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