Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
