Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
