saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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