at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
